I was part of an online conversation recently when a particular message stopped me in my tracks. It started with, ‘As per my previous message.’ On its own, it sounds like a straightforward reminder. Yet somehow, it felt different when I read it. It carried a tone I couldn’t quite place - a subtle frustration, a hint of aggression, perhaps. It might not have been the sender's intention, but that is how it landed.

This got me thinking about the language we use when we communicate online. Words matter. But more than that, we need to understand the language we use. Every message carries not just information but also intention and emotion. That makes it powerful and, at times, fragile. When we speak in person, much of our meaning comes from tone, expression and body language. Those elements soften what we say and help us connect meaningfully. Online, those cues are absent. What remains are words alone, and they have to do a lot of work.

It is easy to forget just how much we soften our language when we talk face to face. We pause. We look for cues. We add context. We check if we are being clear and kind. But online, we often write quickly and directly without any of these cues to guide us. Efficiency tends to trump empathy. Sometimes that means frustration slips into our words, whether we intend it or not. The difference is enormous. Unintentional frustration can cause confusion and hurt feelings. Intentional frustration can damage relationships and trust. Both can have long-term consequences that far outstrip a moment’s irritation.

Take the phrase ‘As per my previous message.’ It might be meant as a polite nudge. But online, it can sound like a cold reprimand. Changing it to ‘Just following up in case this slipped through’ invites a very different reaction. In the same way, ‘You need to’ feels like a demand, while ‘Could you please’ is a request. Small adjustments, big impact. The key is to really think about what you want to communicate and how you want it to be heard. That means reflecting on your own feelings before you type. Are you frustrated? If so, how can you express that clearly without causing offence? How might the other person read your message? Being mindful of the language we use online is not just about good manners. It’s about recognising that these words are our presence. They show our intentions. They shape our relationships.

So next time you send a message, pause and consider your words. Read them out loud if you have to. Ask yourself if this is how you would speak to someone sitting beside you. If not, take a moment to rephrase.

Mind your language. It is a small act, but one that makes a big difference in how we connect in a digital world.